


You're not okay

by a_mess



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Blue Lily Lily Blue - Freeform, M/M, The Dream Thieves - Freeform, The Raven Boys - Freeform, The Raven Cycle - Freeform, The Raven King - Freeform, Tumblr Prompt, ronan lynch x adam parrish, sad ronan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:33:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24540052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_mess/pseuds/a_mess
Summary: This was a submitted to me on tumblr after I posted a dialogue prompt list. This was prompt #12: "You're not okay." for Pynch.This is set between The Raven Cycle ending and before Call Down the Hawk.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch & Adam Parrish
Kudos: 22





	You're not okay

**Author's Note:**

> #12 "You're not okay."

The BMW pulled up to the curb outside St. Agnes. Ronan kept his eyes on the speedometer which was at 0 miles per hour now that the car was in park. He took a slow and steady breath in, and then let it out just as tediously. 

He could feel Adam’s eyes on him from the passenger seat. Ronan felt no need to turn his head and meet Adam’s gaze. He was hoping Adam would just say goodbye for now and get out of the car as soon as they pulled up to the curb.

But he was also hoping just as intensely that Adam would _not_ do that. 

Ronan didn’t hide. He wasn’t very expressive, but you could still tell how he was feeling about things. He just communicated in a different way. 

But then there was Adam. Ronan had never felt ashamed of anything that was inside him until his feelings for Adam grew and he acquired the want— _no_ the need—for Adam’s approval. 

Ronan still wasn’t ashamed of himself or anything about him and his feelings on things, but he so desperately wanted Adam—who had always seen him more than anyone else, even Gansey—to stay. 

He so desperately wanted Adam, period. 

**“You’re not okay.”** Adam began. 

Ronan huffed and rolled his eyes. 

“No,” Adam said, “don’t do that. You’re not.”

_Yeah, no shit._ Ronan wanted to say. He put his head back against the headrest on his seat. The leather was surprisingly cool despite the warmth outside the car that had started seeping inside now that the car had been off and not regulating air. 

“Lynch.” Adam ventured further. “Ronan.” He said quieter. 

“Jesus Christ.” Ronan started, “No Parrish, I’m not fucking okay. You wanna talk about it? What are you my fucking therapist? I know all about those.”

Declan had always made sure he paid for the best. He’d made Ronan go for weeks after Niall had died. It ended as things usually do between Lynch brothers: in a fight. 

Money doesn’t buy everything. 

“Yeah.” was all Adam said in response, as if the small outburst was almost what he had been expecting. He got out of the car. He didn’t slam the door, but he didn’t say goodbye either. 

Ronan turned his head and watched Adam ascend the steps into the side of the church where the apartments were accessible. 

He stayed in the car for another minute. Then another five. Then, he hit his head against the headrest a few times and opened the car door with a lot more tenacity than Adam had exhibited. 

_You want me to bear my fucking soul, Adam?_ Ronan thought as he walked up the stairs. 

The scarier thing to Ronan was that he wanted to share. He wanted to talk to Adam about what was wrong. He wanted Adam to see him. 

He just wished he could skip the part where he has to explain it and they could just be _in the know._

He knocked on Adam’s door, and waited. The door opened and Adam seemed minimally surprised that it was Ronan, like he’d expected to be followed up the stairs.

Like Ronan said: seen.

“Are you gonna let me in.” Ronan said exasperated, his hands in his pockets.

Adam shuffled to the side and let Ronan slide past. 

Ronan walked around for a second, and stayed facing away from the door where Adam was still standing, though it was now shut. 

“He said he wouldn’t leave.” 

Ronan, still looking away from Adam, shocked a little when Adam’s hand was on his arm and turned him around. 

“He didn’t leave _you_ Ronan.”

“But he did, though. He left.” 

They had just watched Gansey, Blue, and Henry drive away to start their travels they’d been so enthusiastically planning. Ronan and Adam had watched them depart from 300 Fox way along with all of its various women. 

Ronan felt _left._ Shouldn’t he? 

“Did you think we’d all stay here? In Henrietta? Forever?”

Ronan looked Adam in the eyes. No, he wasn’t stupid enough to think they’d all stay with him there forever.

He was just stupid enough to _hope_ it.

“Ronan.” Adam said, imploring an answer. He wasn’t foolishly hoping for an answer like Ronan had foolishly hoped they’d all stay together. He just knew he had to ask to be on the board, whether or not Ronan would play the game was up to him. 

Ronan knew he’d always oblige an answer if Adam asked him like that.

“Not just Gansey.” Ronan mentally moved a piece on the board. 

He watched Adam try and anticipate his next move. “What, Cheng? I wasn’t aware you cared where he went.” Adam deadpanned, but it was a joke. 

Ronan looked away and huffed again. 

“Ronan.” He said again, advancing two spaces ahead of Ronan. It was a damning move, especially done twice in a row. Ronan was in jeopardy of losing. 

“Matthew.” he said. “Sargent, or whatever. Fucking Declan for Christ sake.” He wondered if saying that _above_ a church was any better than _in_ a church.

Adam just watched him still. He could feel it. The conversation hadn’t ended yet. Ronan had one card left to play. 

“And—” Ronan looked at Adam again. Could he transmit what he wanted to say through the air? Implant it in Adam’s head? 

“And?” Adam questioned. Ronan could tell he knew what was coming. It would even their score, put them both in jeopardy of losing or within feet from winning. A tie. 

“Harvard...” Ronan said. 

He looked back at Adam.

He never wanted to hold Adam back. He wouldn’t let Adam not go. But the fact remained that Ronan could definitively not go with him. 

“I’m not leaving you, Ronan.” Adam’s eyes didn’t waver, not for a second. Ronan watched them the whole time. It was the deciding point, the winner about to be announced. 

“No,” Ronan said. “You’re not.” He could see it in Adam’s eyes. Even if he had wanted to leave Ronan, he would be incapable. 

Adam put one hand on the back of Ronan’s neck and pulled him forward. He kissed him once, short and sweet. 

“I will always come back.” Adam’s eyes were once again on Ronan’s. “It’s not leaving if I come back.” 

His eye’s didn’t waver once. 


End file.
